The Hockey Project

by Ed Klingenberger

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A bi-weekly (plus one song per playoff round) account of the 2013-2014 hockey season.


released June 3, 2015

Everything by Ed

Recorded October 2013-June 2014 except vocals and keys on "You Can Put It In The Win Column!", which were recorded May 2015




Ed Klingenberger Rochester, New York

Singer-songwriter-instrumentalist with a penchant for the absurd.

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Track Name: Drop It Already
Oh yeah it's another season
And it feels so nice
It's good to see all the players
Get back on the ice
Oh great here we go again
This dumb masquerade
I hoped that we would be through with
This face-off charade this time

We're all getting sick of this mess
You are not the king
We're not here to watch the linesmen
Do their little thing
Just drop the stupid puck

Come on what did he do that time
To earn the heave-ho
I think that you're full of crap and
We want you to go away

But the dog and pony show goes on
Let's watch the guys get tossed
But what's right and wrong I still don't know
I know for sure I'm lost
What's going on
Track Name: The Anatomy of a Match Penalty
It's a frustrating night at the office - you know how it goes
They're stifling everything we do here - as the scoreboard shows
Now our best player is out of the game - got drilled in the jaw
Then their star player completes the hat trick - this is the last straw

And we fall again
As they throw the hats
We'll exact revenge
Cue the circus act

As the Code dictates our course of action again
Lose the game but maybe we gain back some respect

Well I haven't played yet this period - but I'm not a slob
But the coach just tapped me to take the ice - and I know my job
As I look for somebody's face to punch - someone calls my name
It's the referee, I don't know what happened - I'm out of the game

Soon I'll pay for this
True, I earned this one
Suspension time

And I know what everybody says
That my time will be up soon
I don't care - I'll fight until I drop
I am not just a useless goon
Track Name: Alright, That's It
Angry I'm angry
I'm really really angry
This game is going badly
And now I've had enough

I'm gonna drop my gloves
And drop my hockey stick
I'm gonna grab your sweater
And punch you in the face

Fighting we're fighting and we're
Punching we're punching and we're
Fighting we're fighting and I
Punch you in the face

Fighting we're fighting and we're
Punching we're punching
Track Name: Now What
Here we go again - this team is garbage
We need a change here and we need it now
They're so complacent in the front office
The coach is in too deep and he needs to go

Our coach was fired (now what)
GM was fired (now what)
Those guys are gone (now what)
We got what we wanted so now what

I'm not comfortable rooting for a man to lose his job
We'd never do that to an electrical engineer
Maybe because they make millions we lose sympathy
Or maybe it's a game we all take too seriously

Now what
Now what
Now what
We got what we wanted so now what
Track Name: Dead By December
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury I present my case
The scourge of the shootout means it's too late to get back in the race
Now I know that it's only December - absurd on its face
But three-point games will be the end of us - we're too far off the pace

Two months gone and now the season's toast
Recent history says it's true
Do we tank or do we go for it
Honestly what would you do

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury here's exhibit B
This team just can't get its act together - it's so easy to see
When they win it just feels like we're lucky to some big degree
But with some many bonus points around it's just pointless to me

Why do we subject ourselves to his mess every week?
I guess it gives us something to talk about

Well I don't care anymore
I'll still be here
'Cause I'm a fan
Through good and bad
We're here for the long haul
Track Name: It's Cold Out
On a frigid night in western New York
I caught a hockey game in the outdoors
Just myself and 11,000 friends
Watched another sport on a baseball field

Merry Christmas
Crap it's cold out
I can't feel my toes anymore

I have never been to an outdoor game
I expected cold but maybe not like that
Extra layers extra blankets almost not enough
The experience was worth the brush with frostbite

If I had no rooting interest
I would have been entertained
If I had no horse in this race
It still would have been an awesome game
if my favorite team wasn't playing
I would have loved that game all right
But I had that rooting interest
So I was a nervous wreck all night
Track Name: Et Le Butt
Butt Goal!

Looks like someone took the french translation
A little too literally this time
I don't know about you, but I'm surprised
This hadn't happened against us before

"Et le but!" now has a brand new meaning
To everybody who dared watch this game
One of the weirdest wins I've ever seen
But we'll take what we can get around here

Yeah I've seen the replay
Still don't know what happened and I don't care

I never saw the puck
Only reactions
The horn went and I cheered
The chaotic actions
Game over good night

That goal counts
Say goodnight
Drive home safe
We win

Puck in the pants
Et le butt
Butt goal
Track Name: Scary Numbers Take Over The World
Numbers everywhere
But we ignore them
Instead of knowledge
Stick fingers in our ears

Facts are good for you
Corsi is not evil
Track Name: Intermission
Track Name: Time Zones Make My Head Hurt
But I just got interested!
You're taking a break?
Oh, right, the Olympic break
And game time is when?!

What am I gonna go with myself
With no games on at night
Now that hockey is on this old break
They play while it's still light?
I'm confused.

Do I set an alarm here
Or stay up all night?
These times zones make my head hurt
And I never left
Track Name: Pardon The Patriotism

Team USA is coming for you
And they're gonna beat you down
Riding on the backs of bald eagles
Yeah they're gonna take the crown

These athletes are the best
And you all know it's true
And when the games are over
You'll feel all red white and blue

We've got the best goalies
In this whole tournament
We're not sure who's scoring the goals
So we'll take what we get
Track Name: The Rental
I just got the news
I heard the rumors
You focus on the game
But can't ignore the talk
Yeah it's sad to leave
But exciting too
Well my bags are packed
It's time to go

So do you like this deal?
Did someone pay too much?
Is this the guy they need
To win the cup at last?

And now I've made it
I don't know where I am
This is my new home
It doesn't feel like that
Looks like someone's here
To pick me up this time
He's on my side now
I could get used to this

Just hours after my ordeal
These former enemies are friends
I'm not sure if I'll stick around
So I'll enjoy this while I can
We fought against the math for so long
But reality just set in
We knew we had a tough hill to climb
And it proved to be too much

Our season ends as soon as possible
All we can do is play our schedule

This town will not miss this team
We didn't live up to the bill
This won't get worse
In October we'll win our fill

Our season ends as soon as possible
Succumbing to the inevitable
Track Name: 82
Twelve hundred thirty games
They somehow played them all
This season has drawn to a close

And six months later we
Have our playoff teams and
Their lucky beards will start to grow

It's a long way to April from October
But we've come so far so let's get this one more time
And we'll bring this season home

Finally we made it
Put this campaign to bed
And catch some baseball on TV

Well it's game 82 and time to wrap this up
For the also-rans like us this is our Stanley Cup
But it won't be this way for long
Track Name: Outraged By The Outrageous Outrage
That's not icing, that's not offsides, that's the wrong call
That's cross-checking, that's a hand pass, that's one blind ref
I don't get it, I'm so irate - where are the calls
That's not legal, that was allowed?! I've had enough

This is an outrage
Something must be done

He speared him! Right in the junk! Throw the bum out
That cheap shot has no place here - suspend that guy
Our guys would never do that - it's not like us
No, not him, you're lying now - I can't hear you

Will cooler heads prevail
Or will we flip our lids
And lose sense of perspective again

It's playoff time - I should be having fun
But not this year - now I'm a nervous wreck
I've lost my voice from yelling at the game
So now I yell online - still angry all the same

I don't know why I'm angry all the time
It's just a game and I'm not on the ice
But I don't care what everybody thinks
I will voice my outrage 'til my team finally sinks
Track Name: Eight Remain
Eight more gone
Cut the contenders in half
Eight remain
'Til the clock runs out on four

So we made it this far (well, congratulations)
So you want to move on (well, get back to work)
When the goals disappear (then just keep pressing)
When the anger subsides (then we'll know it's over)

What will remain of us
Next game
It could be the last of us

Now what
Now what was that
What was that cheap shot for
And where's the referee
I hate you all
Track Name: Campbell and Wales Get Overlooked Again
It's almost time for my annual embarrassment
For all that I am I'll be ignored by those men

The series is over and I'm on display
For all to see
They gather 'round, crack a smile, take a picture
And leave me here

I didn't ask to be a consolation prize
I know I'm worth my weight in someone else's eyes

But I'll be waiting here
When you return next fall
I'm not Stanley, I know
But another trophy is not bad at all
Track Name: You Can Put It In The Win Column!
Well it's come down to this final series
The one we've been waiting on for months now
This whole season has built up to this point
All the sports cliches do apply tonight

This is more than a game
And we know that it's true
It's just more special now
When the Cup is in the room

Now the game is on and entertaining too
The ice sucks but that's what you get in June
Goals are few 'cause these goalies are the best
If this ends in four, it will be too soon

My friends say it's so hard to watch
And they don't know where to look
I say it's easy at this time of the year
Just watch and follow the bouncing puck

No - this season can't be almost over
There's so much to complain about
Like how they're playing in June
And that's a penalty in the regular season
This is hockey not the thunderdome
Overtime again?!
Of course one OT isn't enough
It's like you never know when it'll-

He shoots he scores!

I put on my gloves
And open the case
I polish the trophy
'Til I see my face

When we are summoned
We go for a walk
The Cup finds its table
And the winners flock

This is our time to shine
The Cup and me
It's time...