1. |
Arizona
01:36
|
|||
Snakes in the desert
Snakes in the ballpark
Snakes on the diamond
Snakes in the outfield
And they've all learned how to throw
So be careful at the plate
They hang out in the right field pool
Steal your base and eat your dog
Snakes in the dugout
Snakes in the clubhouse
And these guys can handle the heat
Too bad those things can't hit
Snakes can't hit
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2. |
Atlanta
01:58
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It could look down on us
But just stares into space
Perched up above the stands
It seems so out of place
Shameless promotion
Billboard bovine
Above the commotion
It does the chop
It holds a sign
Its right arm moves
What does this mean?
What is the point? Why is it there?
With each movement
Of its right arm
That thing dooms us
Passing judgment on us all
|
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3. |
Baltimore
01:41
|
|||
We were great once but those days are over
And the big cats have all passed us by
Now we're toiling in this stacked division
And we're fighting for some recognition
Pay attention, we deserve the spotlight
We had this first but no one pays their respect
They don't listen to a word we're saying
Well we got one little thing to say
Our retro ballpark was first (you can't have it)
Our retro ballpark was first (pay attention to us)
Our retro ballpark was first (you can't have it)
Our retro ballpark was first (we were first)
So what happened to our kick-ass team here
We keep losing and the locals hate us
Now our games draw more opposing fans
Well we got one little thing to say
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4. |
Boston
02:01
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This place is old and rickety and that's how we like it
So we're not moving any time soon
The big ol' monolith beckons and it resembles
Our rightful place in baseball discussion
And we're right where we want
(Fear the Monster, respect the Nation)
We're not like New York, we're different
(Fear the Monster, respect the Nation)
Like it or not, we're still here
(Fear the Monster, respect the Nation)
We've taken over this scene
(Fear the Monster, respect the Nation)
But what does "insufferable" mean?
(Fear the Monster, respect the Nation)
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5. |
||||
Well it's another gorgeous day out at the diamond
So glad that we skipped work this afternoon again
Steeped in tradition we don't wanna talk about
Laugh all you want, call us cursed, but we will always believe in...
Next year
There's always next year
There's always next year
There's always next year
Lost in the ivy and there goes another ball
The pitcher's rattled and our confidence is shot
We love this team but we still need some new ideas
If we think of rethinking the way we think, we can think outside the box
There's always next year
|
||||
6. |
||||
(Come down) to the South side
It's even on the same train as the other guys
(Come down) to the ballpark
It's nice and cozy and we don't let the pitchers hit
(Come down) it's a good time
We shoot fireworks when our guys leave the yard
(Fireworks) lots of fireworks
That's the only way we can score some runs
And that crazy manager goes insane
(Ask for time, pinch hit, change pitchers, get tossed)
And that crazy manager goes insane
(Call a bunt or a pick-off, throw his hat, chew gum)
(What's wrong) you still hate us?
At least we don't play in those dumb shorts anymore
(Hang out) we're cool, we swear
You don't have to hear those broadcasters in here
(Come down) to the ballpark
Lots of amenities and fun things for the kids
(Fireworks) lots of fireworks
And there's baseball involves here somehow, I think
And that crazy manager goes insane
(Ask for time, pinch hit, change pitchers, get tossed)
And that crazy manager goes insane
(At least the 44th President likes us)
|
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7. |
Cincinnati
01:44
|
|||
A long time ago in the 1970s
There was The Machine
It emerged from the depths of the Ohio River
And took over the scene
It traveled from town to town
Killing every ball it saw
No one stood a chance against its might
And fans watched the slaughter with awe
The Commissioner had to tame the beast
A thousand free agents took the job
Though it may be dead and gone
In the eyes of every overworked pitcher
The Machine lives on
The Machine lives on
|
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8. |
Cleveland
01:49
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|||
Gather 'round, kids - it's story time
Let me tell you 'bout a man so brave and bold
You need sunglasses to behold (It's The Chief)
The Cuyahoga was his fireplace
And he kicked Chuck Norris in the face (It's the Chief)
The Chief so strong and free
He drank from Lake Erie and he ate the yellow snow
He staves off the British with a cold hard glare
And he wills the grass to grow
It's The Chief
So he set a team in his homeland
He can crush all opponents with his left hand (It's The Chief)
Well he started and ended ol' 1812
And he build The Jake all by himself (It's the Chief)
The Chief is known so well
His ballclub wins as he refuses to lose
He set up a network to connect and inform
So we all can spread the news
of The Chief
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9. |
Colorado
01:47
|
|||
Good baseball
Lousy beer
In the mountains
Watch it fly
Good baseball
Lousy beer
Mile high air
Say goodbye
|
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10. |
Detroit
01:39
|
|||
You can find it just outside the entrance
It's big and scary as all hell
But you'll be fine - it's only a statue
And it will treat you very well
So take a picture with the beast
(Party in the park, party in the park)
And grab a beer and take your seat
(Party in the park, party in the park)
Go on and high-five the statue
(Party in the park, party in the park)
He'd party in the park with you
(Party in the park, party in the park)
Don't be alarmed by the giant thingy
It won't do you any harm
Though it looks mean, it won't try to eat you
Go on ahead - stick out your arm
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11. |
Florida
01:59
|
|||
Good young team
Plugs away
Fire sale
Cheap ones stay
Cavernous center field
Will that survive the move?
Need to go outside - why not give us a try
Come to the ballpark - get a row to yourself
And now it's raining - but that won't last too long
So stick around here - we get so lonely sometimes
|
||||
12. |
Houston
01:46
|
|||
Down by the station
Things aren't so good
It's not working like it should
(Where are we) We're getting stale
(Where'd we go) Ran in place
(What went wrong) Same old blueprint
(Moved too slow) Egg in the face
(Out of sight) Now the game has
(Passed us by) Behind the ball
(Lost in time) We've gotten nowhere and
Moving backwards again
We've had some good times
Not long ago
But now it seems so far away
|
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13. |
Kansas City
01:58
|
|||
I don't know what happened
But we're languishing now
Ten miles under and sinking fast
We've been down on our luck
But we're showing promise
All these bad vibes, they sure can't last
And we're hopeful for the future
(watch out - we are here)
Thinking back on what we had
(watch out - we are here)
Look for us out by the fountains
(watch out - we are here)
We can't always be this bad
(watch out - we are here)
Can the boss again
Maybe that'll work now
Ten miles under and sinking fast
And we've seen the blueprint
Right in our division
All these bad vibes, they sure can't last
Pay attention to us
We mean what we say
Pay attention to us
Get out of our way - we mean it, please
|
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14. |
||||
Even though they poached a team to get their ballgame stuff
Back in the day some dude declared that one was not enough
They decreed that this new team would get the extra guy
That new guy don't need a mitt - just hit the ball real high
Where are we
Where we are
Represent
Anaheim? Sure
Well we've been here a long time now - we even won it all
But nobody gives us credit like they want us to fall
I think there's an east coast bias bringing our cred down
Maybe it's the rally monkey - look, we apologized for that already
Changing locations
And we didn't even move
|
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15. |
||||
It's time to go - we have our tickets
We've got sunscreen and the top down
I don't know why we'd take a scorebook
When we get there it's the third inning
Such is life out on the freeway
But we like it so this is how we'll stay
Feeling blue
So good
It's time to go - it's getting late here
We've got bed time - work in the morning
I don't want to get stuck in traffic
Crank the radio - there's an inning left
|
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16. |
Milwaukee
01:50
|
|||
Meat byproducts, approach the starting line
Take your places, watch out for Randall Simon
Feast your eyes on the greatest spectacle
Imitated but never duplicated
Here we go now - it's time for racing dinner
On your marks, get set, GO
Sausage on the run
And they're off! Racing against each other
Place your bets now - my money's on the hot dog
Down the stretch they come - it's another close one
Photo finish - hey! That guy cheated!
Race is over - the bratwurst won this time
But come on, now - we're all wieners here
Run, sausage, run
|
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17. |
Minnesota
02:01
|
|||
Jerk! My jewelry! Moldy jambalaya
More jokes made Joe mourn
Justice means jail, man - jail
Midnight's jonesing - moon juice madness
June's marching, joker's moribund
Just my jersey's might
Justifiably morose?
Join me - July's mine
Jock? Moron. Justifies my jocularity
Mango jelly melting Jamaica, man
Juicy mud just moistens jeans
Methodology: Juvenile
|
||||
18. |
||||
So here we go again
Another season of this
What new and exciting fashion
Will they lose today's game
We're setting ourselves up
Just to get knocked down again
I love these guys I hate these guys
Guess I can't turn away
We don't care
We'll still be here
Maybe they won't
Let us down this year
We're getting used to this
And sick of it all at once
If this happens just one more time
I might just lose my mind
Why do I care this much
It's just a stupid ballgame
But those stupid rivals need to
Shut up for once tonight
So here we are again
Another season of this
I love these guys I hate these guys
Guess I still need my fix
|
||||
19. |
New York, Part 2: Empire
01:59
|
|||
Good evening, hapless peons
And how are you all tonight
Well let's get down to brass tacks
It's time for you to die
We know that you all hate us
We know you love it that way
This is how you prefer things
No matter what you say
This is our home our ballpark and we don't play nice
You claim that life would be better if we change our ways
But our sold-out ballpark says that we will stay the same
You get here on the Number Four that always reeks of urine
We take all your favorite players, get your blood a-stirrin' with
HATE
Give in to your hatred
Give in to bloodlust
You will be assimilated now
Become a part of us tonight
|
||||
20. |
Oakland
01:46
|
|||
I got called up today - I'm hitting the big time
Though no one will see me, it's still my turn to shine
We'll play in a cavern of a stadium
And if I prove my worth I'll find another place to go
I found my new home turf - it's bigger than I thought
The pitchers like it here, the hitters are distraught
I got on board today in spite of this big place
I'll get to keep that ball and stick it in its face
We'll play in a cavern of a stadium
But I will prove my worth and find another place to go
|
||||
21. |
Philadelphia
01:57
|
|||
What are all these kids doing on the street
If they touch my grass they'll all be dead meat
I don't have a gun but I have a brain
I'll hit them in the head, they won't be back again
(Get off my lawn) if you know what's good for you
(Get off my lawn) if you don't then you're all screwed
(Get off my lawn) because you're ugly
And I never wanna see your face again
What are all these teams doing on my field
They seem to be practicing - they don't seem to yield
I don't care if they're on the schedule
I don't know who they are and I'll destroy them all
We're gonna beat up any stupid ugly punk that crosses us
And send 'em all back to their crappy homes where they belong
And then we're gonna go to Pittsburgh and we'll beat them to a pulp
'Cause that's just the way we are
My cohorts and I got this going on
I'm sitting on my porch as I sing this song
All those stupid punks, they must hate my guts
But as long as I'm here I'll always drive them nuts
...and you're ugly
|
||||
22. |
Pittsburgh
01:56
|
|||
Yaargh! We be buccaneers sailin' 'round the bigs
Me and me mateys we be plunderin yer town
We scour the minor leagues searchin for buried treasure
When we do we take it all and kill ya for good measure
Plunder the seas, hit the cut-off man
Lot and pillage, hit and run
Walk the plank and lay the bunt down
Take the gold, execute the fundamentals
All the landlubbers won't know what hit 'em
And the scallywags all tremble with fear
Plunder the seas, hit the cut-off man
Loot and pillage, double steal
Walk the plank, execute the fundamentals
Raise the jolly roger
|
||||
23. |
San Diego
01:48
|
|||
Picture perfect pitching, like machines
Sends a ball right out to me
And I turn into a big jerkface
'Cause I must obtain that thing
Everyone loves to get free stuff
The appeal is easy to see
Everybody wants a free ball
So why can't this one belong to me
Well I reached out and I got the ball
No one told me it was fair... I'm sorry!
Give it to me
|
||||
24. |
San Francisco
01:53
|
|||
Throw the ball right at the man
Because we're number one
Yeah we know he'll charge the mound
Then we'll have some fun
Throw it at their head
Throw it at their ribs
Throw it at their feet
Keep them guessing
We're gonna take you down
And make you feel like hell
We're gonna use our arms
'Cause we can't hit too well
Throw the ball right in the zone
They won't know what to do
Throw the ball no one can hit
And they all know it too
Throw it in the zone
Throw it in the dirt
Throw it letter-high
Keep them angry
Believe the mighty glove
Believe the mighty truth (it's so true)
Believe the mighty glove
And I bet you can believe it too
Oh yeah
|
||||
25. |
Seattle
01:58
|
|||
He's running
'Cause he's got a lot of ground to cover here
He's diving
'Cause the thing is just a little out of reach
He's like a vacuum
He gets everything
That's why they call him
Death to Flying Things
He's catching
Every single little thing we send his way
He's jumping
Even things out of the park are still in play
|
||||
26. |
St. Louis
01:41
|
|||
It started with a tiny half-smile
'Til a close call did not go your way
But this is just one of a hundred
And tomorrow we'll all be OK
So what's with the face - the angry face
The Angry Manager Face
You're always in the pennant race
There's no need for the angry face
Angry Manager Face
|
||||
27. |
Tampa Bay
01:54
|
|||
Welcome to the Thunderdome
It's judgment day
Though no one sits in the stands
They'll have their say
The chaos fans have spoken
It's punishment time
Your sentence - death by cowbell
Now suffer in this grime
The catwalk interferes
Displacing all our jeers
The catwalk interferes
While all the purists sneer at us
Sunday Sunday Sunday
The gang's all here
We're gonna tear some stuff up
And you will cheer
Now suffer in this grime
|
||||
28. |
Texas
02:00
|
|||
In the past we had a bad reputation
Of underspending on arms
That was then and things are much different now
And that set off alarms
Guess what? We're back! And we've got power to spare
You've got no chance and we're not gonna share
Sit down and boil in the southern heat
You'll all get fried right into your seat
Behold the new power (we're not messin' around)
What's the matter? Now you look a little pale
Perhaps you need to lie down
Just relax and we will entertain you
And put your team underground
Time to face facts - we're not your doormat no more
This time we will beat you into next week
|
||||
29. |
Toronto
01:59
|
|||
To the SkyDome
It's a ballpark
It's a bandbox
It's a warehouse
It's all of these
Open up the SkyDome of your dreams
Of your dreams
|
||||
30. |
Washington
01:54
|
|||
Well we moved into America
When we lost our grip on Canadian soil
But it isn't going very well
Then we got our future opposition foil
Merry Strasmas (Merry Strasmas)
Merry Strasmas (Merry Strasmas)
Merry Strasmas (Merry Strasmas)
Merry Strasmas (Amen)
When we lost 100 games again
After moving into our brand new park
That was when we knew we needed him
And he proved that he was worth all of the hype
Now we have our future starting ace
And next year looks so promising, that's for sure
Fans are starting to fill up the place
And not just nights when Philadelphia's in town
Tommy John?! Nooooooo
|
||||
31. |
Ballgame
00:56
|
|||
Oh, come on - you don't need the lyrics to this track.
|
Ed Klingenberger Rochester, New York
Singer-songwriter-instrumentalist with a penchant for the absurd.
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