Bowling is Metal

by Ed Klingenberger

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When Dethklok and the Wii collide, things like this happen. But let's face it - what's more metal than throwing a heavy thing down an alley for the sole purpose of knocking a bunch of stuff over?


released February 22, 2009

Ed Klingenberger - all instruments and all vocals

Drums recorded by Mike Huurman
Everything else recorded by Ed




Ed Klingenberger Rochester, New York

Singer-songwriter-instrumentalist with a penchant for the absurd.

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Track Name: WeBowling
Do you like bowling?
Do you like wii bowling?

Now we have something that's like bowling but it isn't
It's like the real thing but without the rental shoes

It will make you have fun and give you tennis elbow
You will hurt like hell but you won't mind the pain

This isn't wii boxing wii baseball wii basketball
This is wii bowling
You can argue about their similarities
It's not the same to me
This isn't wii tennis wii ping pong wii golf
This is wii bowling
There's nothing better than rolling balls down a lane
While playing with your wii

Now it's your turn to make a bowler of yourself
Take your likeness out and send it down the lane
And when you're finished you have to wait your turn
And when you do then it starts all over again

You're up

Now you know what it's all about
So it's your turn to wield the 'mote
Track Name: Orb of Doom
This coliseum is filled with warriors like ourselves
This lighted alleyway reveals our bitter enemies
This orb of doom I wield is black like my soul
And I will take them all down

The orb of doom will show us the way
To victory and horn destruction
And even if we don't win the first time
The orb gives us another shot

And I will take them all down

These devil horns, they put up a valiant fight
This evil tries but can't stand up against what's right
This orb of doom I wield is mighty like the wooly mammoth
And I will take them all down

Orb of doom
Lead the charge
Fire away
Destroy the horns
Track Name: Ten Devil Horns
Here we stand as a whole
Devil horns - ten of us
We are small by ourselves
But together we are strong

We may not seem too smart
To oppose orbs of doom
But we stand anyway
And we won't take this lying down

Ten devil horns standing as one
Against your dumb and treacherous orbs
Ten devil horns, we stand here as a whole
And we've got the demons on our side

We may seem passive-aggressive
'Cause we can't fight too well
But there are other ways to harm you
Check your shoes - what's that smell
(The Fungus Demon!)
Track Name: None Shall Be Spared
I've got a splitting headache
And that's not fun
I tried to strike the devil horns
But some of them won

None shall be spared

They'll have a splitting headache
When this is done
And my orb of doom will blast them
To kingdom come

Pick it up
Take them down
Crush them all
Clean the mess

This battle will be hard to win
You know you could just count your losses
It's ok to take the easy route
You'll live to fight another day
another day

None shall be spared
Track Name: TenSeven
You may think you'll be ok but you must know this one thing
Evil lurks around this parlor of destruction
Its legend grows by every hour someone messes up
And then it rears its ugly ugly head

Beware the demon lurking here
TenSeven sleeps but smells your fear

He is always here no matter what you think
And he's always up to dastardly old tricks
He'll keep your orb for way too long or until you soil yourself
And he'll fill some horns full of lead and they'll never fall

Beware the demon lurking here
TenSeven sleeps but smells your fear
Now your safety slips away

Hiding under the battlefield
TenSeven waits to attack
When he finds the most critical time
He acts on his hellish plan

The demon awakens
You're really up the creek now
The demon awakens
Your orb is useless now
The demon awakens
You can hear him laughing now
The demon awakens
Your orb is useless now
Track Name: The Soldiers
Locked in combat once again
We have done this much before
I have slaughtered them so far
But they still come back for more

Their horns outnumber my orb
But I have physics on my side
They are standing still
As I unleash my first assault

As the aftermath presents itself
Only two of us remain
Death surrounded us but somehow we survived
So we have to carry on
carry on

We are the two remaining soldiers
Standing single file in line
If you want to win this battle we have waged
You must get past one to get to the other

I hate soldiers - they're a pain in my side
It's like one is hiding - trying to elude its fate
When my orb returns, it's time for them to die

Pray for us all - the ones who are still fighting
We are the only hope that's left
Casualties racking up - things sure look bleak right now
But if one stays alive then our job is done

And now it's time for battle
It's reloaded and ready to fight
The orb has hit the first one
But curved too much to finish the job

The conflict is now finished
Only one horn has been spared
The front line man has fallen
But the back line soldier soldiers on

Sing a song for the fallen soldier
Track Name: Throw the 'Mote
I have to make this shot
I must not lose this game so bad

The strap is there for a reason
I don't trust you with that thing
You've broken three lamps already
I can't take this anymore

I know I can be trusted
I never meant to break your lamp


It's my turn - time to go
I will not throw the 'mote
But the 'mote - where'd it go?
What is that in the wall?
Track Name: Horns Imposing
It's a special battlefield
A place that grows and grows
I only get one chance
To knock all the devil horns down

There are no trenches here
And I can take them all down
But they always come back for more
And something else is in store

Each time they return they add another line
The devil horn army grows larger every time
Soon it's impossible for total victory
But when they reach their peak I use my secret weapon

The horn up front is decorated differently
Makes me wonder if mutiny is on their side
Or perhaps he is the biggest doofus on their camp
Either way I just don't care so he's the first to go

One orb will crush them all
One orb will seal their doom
One orb will make them fall
One orb will be my broom

This is a special battlefield
A place that grows and grows
I only get one shot
But I will knock all the devil horns down
Track Name: Why Not Take a Break?
It seems forever
since we started this and
my elbow hurts and my shoulder is getting tired
So I think it's time we stopped for a while

I've lost all sense of time
I haven't seen the sun all day
and it's too hot in here
Well I think it's time we went outside
Track Name: Unfinished Business
We're closing in on the end of this competition
I may be down but I'm not too far behind

Unfinished business

It all comes down to this last extended battle
Where I must prove myself to be the better wielder
There's a time for thought and there's a time for action
And now I think it's time to act
It starts now

Let's go

It's time to prove my worth
And I'm not just full of crap
I must prevail again
Those horns are going down

With this extended fight
I can take more horns out
And that's just what I do
Then have to wait for you

You fare worse than I
Your battle is cut short
But I hear the laughing horns
They tell me you still won

Not again
I destroyed the devil horns
But cannot destroy you

Hey allright - that was a close one again
That one had me really nervous the whole time
Now I'm thirsty so let's grab a beer or two
And when we get our senses back do you wanna play again